PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
