I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
