Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I would ride that face into the sunset
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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