Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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