a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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