Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
