i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
