never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
