He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
