I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
