I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
kristin has been a bad kristin
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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