we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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