So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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