Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
