apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
