dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
