I want to make a zoo with you.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
