some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
