is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
