I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
