I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
