Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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