I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
