btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
