I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
be right there i have to get my cape
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
