A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
