conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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