how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
