I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Shame - the story of my life.
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