We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
