I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
not ubering you a puppy
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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