The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
