this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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