Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
