When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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