So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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