Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
