Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
