nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
