He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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