every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
handjob tips. give me some.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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