So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
