In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
