no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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