so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
