Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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