then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
