i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
