look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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