i jhust puked up my retainher.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
