Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
