Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i am craving dick and cupcakes
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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