Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
