i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
