didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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