I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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