Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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