you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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