so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Boobs are out for the taking
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
