i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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