he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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