Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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