Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
